Aunt Josefa’s funeral.
The whole family in Cuba was surprised when it arrived from Miami a coffin with a corpse of a very much-loved auntie. The corpse was squeezed and compressed inside the coffin to the point that her face was glued to the crystal visor.
When the family opened the coffin they found a letter, attached with a pin on the clothes and it was written the following.
Dear Dad and Mom,
I am sending back to you and the family the rests of aunt Josefa so she can be buried in Cuba and repose in peace as was her wishes. I am sorry for not be able to go with her, you will understand that I had so much expenses with all the things which, in the advantage of the circumstances, I am sending to you.
You will find inside the coffin, over her chest the following.
12 cans of Tuna Fish Bumblebee, 12 bottles of conditioners and 12 bottles of shampoo Paul Mitchell, 12 bottles of Vaseline Intensive Care (very good for the skin. It is not for cooking!) 12 tubes toothpaste Crest, 12 electrical toothbrushes and 12 cans of Spam (these are the best, they are from Spain) and 4 cans of choriço El Niño.
Please divide with the whole family. No fights, please!
On auntie’s foot, she is wearing a brand new Reebok sneakers, size 9, it is for Miguel (It is for him, because when I sent the rests of Uncle Miguel which, was his padrino, he didn’t got anything and he was very said.)
Aunt Josefa is dressed with 15 pullovers Ralph Lauren, one is for Roberto and the rest is for his sons and grandsons. Also she is wearing a dozen Wonder Bra (they are my favorites), divide them between the girls and also give them the 20 bottles of nail polishes Revlon that are on the coffin’s bottom. The three dozen of Victoria’s Secret underwear are to be given to my nieces and cousins. Also auntie is dressed with 9 Dockers’s pants and 3 Lee jeans.
Dad, keep three for you and the others give to the boys. Also Dad, the Swiss Army watch that you asked is on aunt’s left arms. She is also wearing the bracelets, rings and ears piercing, they are exactly the ones mom asked. The necklace on aunt’s neck is for cousin Rebeca also the rings that are on aunt’s foot fingers. The eight pairs of sox Channel that aunt are wearing, just distribute among the neighborhood and friends, or if you prefer sell them (please, don’t fight for these things, do not fight!)
Also before auntie passed away she bought a new denture, give to nana, I now she is very old and can’t chew very much, but with this new denture she will feel much happier. Tell her she needs to use it was very expensive.
The bifocal glasses are for Alfredito, they are the same grades that he uses also give his wife the heat that auntie is wearing. The hearing aids on auntie’s ears are for Carola. They aren’t exactly the ones she needs, even so tell her to wear them, because they are very expensive.
Now pay very attention to auntie’s eyes. They are glass eyes. Remove them and inside the orbit you will find a gold necklace which is for Gustavo and a pair of rings for Lucia and Augusto’s wedding. The platinum wig with gold highlights that auntie is wearing also is for Lucia so she can shine on her wedding day.
Love you all.
Your daughter, Carmencita.
PS1: Please, find a good cloth to dress auntie Josefa for her funeral and celebrate a mass so she can rest her soul in peace, after all she really helped everybody on the family even after she was dead. As you can see her coffin is made of a quality wood (it is treated and protected against termites). I suggest you break down and fix the foot of mom’s bed and the rest fix other things around the house. The visor of the coffin is crystal, please use for picture frame of nana. She really needs a new and nice picture frame.
The textiles that are decorating the coffin, are white Satin (US$ 24,99 a meter not a foot but a meter. I was thinking Lucia could use the Satin and make her wedding dress. Now please, don’t get so involved around these gifts and forget to get aunt a new coffin and dress her up for her funeral.
With love,
Carmencita.
PS2: Because the death of auntie Josefa, now auntie Blanca are very ill; don’t get discouraged, soon, soon, you all will be receiving more staff.
Labels: channel, crest, cuba, el nino, miami, paul mitchell, ralph lauren, reebok, revlon, shampoo, swiss arm, tuna fish, vaseline, victoria secret
posted by Rommell Fernandes @ 7:16 PM
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